First I have to say is that what it comes down to, if i make a promise, I stick to it. I had made a promise to Frannie that we would keep in contact with her, meetings, letters, pictures etc. and true to my word for the past almost 10 years I have kept this promise and will continue too. There is no legal open adoption, we made plans and because of those plans and not lying or changing our minds, our children came to us. I sometimes think where R and S would be if I didn't keep my promise. If I didn't return calls or meet with Frannie...where would my children be?
After we had moved across the state from Ann Arbor to Kzoo, we kept in contact with Frannie. She was living with a guy in Ann Arbor and he said he loved her...you see where this is going. Now, before you get on your high horses and say, "how dare a woman has 3 babies from 3 different men!!". I know more than 5 GUYS, who have 3 children from 3 different woman and they don't even see these kids at the same time, nor do the siblings live together. Families are made up differently today and we are lucky for it.
What she has done in her own way is to see that her 3 birth children are living under one roof. Knowing they will live together, grow together and take care of each other.
S was born at 5:30 in the morning, I was able to be there and sing her happy birthday. She had to be born 5 weeks earlier than what she should had, there were complications. I sang her happy birthday just like I did for K and R. I was able to cry with joy for a beautiful baby girl entering this world and cry with the pain that Frannie was in. S couldn't maintain a body temp and had to stay under the heat lamp a lot. She weighed just under 4 pounds and had to be fed 1/2 oz of formula every hour. You had to uncover her feet and either tickle them or blow on them to get her to suck...sometimes you had put your pinkie on the roof of her mouth to get her eat. She was tiny, she was grey, she was beautiful and full of life.
S spent 8 days in the hospital. And what hurts my heart to this day is, that because of what happen, we were not able to be with her, we couldn't hold her, sing to her, feed her. The NICU staff was amazing and even though it was against the rules, they let me call and check on her and they called me...truth be told, they could have lost their jobs, but they knew that my heart could not handle not knowing. During this time Frannie had made her wishes clear to social workers and hospital staff and her parents.
Then, S's birth father who had never came to the hospital, who left, kicked Frannie out of the apartment when she was pregnant decided he would like to parent.
I shit you not.
There were meetings we went to where we just sat. Remember, we were no one, we were invited by Frannie to attend as her "friends" and that was it. He was not able to take care of a child, he had no job, his brother paid for his rent, cell phone and for food. He wanted S because he said she was his. A possession. Not a child who needed around the clock care. She was to him just a thing, that he made, that was his, so he gets to keep her. He had no plan...he had many other issues.
The state got involved.
His parental rights were taken away. (Yes, we met with him so he could see that S was happy and healthy, we sent him photos, we met with his brother. I keep a promise)
Frannie never wavered in her decision. Even when he told her they could be a "family". She was brave and outspoken and I sat in awe of her strength.
We took the other two to pick her up. We didn't tell them what we were doing until we were in the car driving. K threw up!! No shit. She was so excited and filled with joy she puked on the side of 94, got back in the van and ate a sandwich. And for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, we laughed.
We laughed away the craziness that tried to take over,
We laughed at the kids making up names like, R 2 or Peaches.
We laughed, because the day was too perfect.
We laughed because we were tired of crying.
S was born at 5:30 in the morning, I was able to be there and sing her happy birthday. She had to be born 5 weeks earlier than what she should had, there were complications. I sang her happy birthday just like I did for K and R. I was able to cry with joy for a beautiful baby girl entering this world and cry with the pain that Frannie was in. S couldn't maintain a body temp and had to stay under the heat lamp a lot. She weighed just under 4 pounds and had to be fed 1/2 oz of formula every hour. You had to uncover her feet and either tickle them or blow on them to get her to suck...sometimes you had put your pinkie on the roof of her mouth to get her eat. She was tiny, she was grey, she was beautiful and full of life.
S spent 8 days in the hospital. And what hurts my heart to this day is, that because of what happen, we were not able to be with her, we couldn't hold her, sing to her, feed her. The NICU staff was amazing and even though it was against the rules, they let me call and check on her and they called me...truth be told, they could have lost their jobs, but they knew that my heart could not handle not knowing. During this time Frannie had made her wishes clear to social workers and hospital staff and her parents.
Then, S's birth father who had never came to the hospital, who left, kicked Frannie out of the apartment when she was pregnant decided he would like to parent.
I shit you not.
There were meetings we went to where we just sat. Remember, we were no one, we were invited by Frannie to attend as her "friends" and that was it. He was not able to take care of a child, he had no job, his brother paid for his rent, cell phone and for food. He wanted S because he said she was his. A possession. Not a child who needed around the clock care. She was to him just a thing, that he made, that was his, so he gets to keep her. He had no plan...he had many other issues.
The state got involved.
His parental rights were taken away. (Yes, we met with him so he could see that S was happy and healthy, we sent him photos, we met with his brother. I keep a promise)
Frannie never wavered in her decision. Even when he told her they could be a "family". She was brave and outspoken and I sat in awe of her strength.
We took the other two to pick her up. We didn't tell them what we were doing until we were in the car driving. K threw up!! No shit. She was so excited and filled with joy she puked on the side of 94, got back in the van and ate a sandwich. And for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, we laughed.
We laughed away the craziness that tried to take over,
We laughed at the kids making up names like, R 2 or Peaches.
We laughed, because the day was too perfect.
We laughed because we were tired of crying.
Yeah, and now I'm crying. Thanks for sharing the beautiful and challenging story of S becoming part of your wonderful family.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading! It has been wild to put it out there for folks to read.
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