Lesson one - Adoption comes out of loss.
This is an emotional post for me, but I really think it has to be given a voice, a loud roar! Not a silent cry in the night...
Anyone who has adopted knows this, it is something that is hard to explain unless you have been in the thick of it. I will try, when a birthmother makes an adoption plan, she is giving up her rights to her child, she needs to mourn that loss, come to terms with it and to know her child has been placed in a safe, loving, nurturing home. The child has loss, he/she are taken away from his/her birthfamily, country and may never know about their health records or any other living family out there. The adoptive family mourns the loss of the “fantasy child” and any sense of control with the situation. Don’t fool yourself, when you choose adoption you choose to give up a lot of control.
When adopting you stand on this weird double edge sword. You are so happy, grateful, full of joy, fear, you want to pee and such to be given the gift of adopting a beautiful baby to make your family. And when you are in the situation you see and realize what your birthmother is doing, what an amazing gift she has planned for you and that as your dream of a child is coming to light, her 9 months of pregnancy is over and she is placing in your care her child to be yours, for you to raise, for you to hold when they cry, to be the one they yell for in the night and see all the up and downs, all the successes and failures for this, “your” child.
This is why we believe in open adoption and have an on going relationship with 3 of our kids Birthmother. This is also why when we adopted our two daughters from Ethiopia we chose that country and Holt International because we wanted to meet their families. I wanted to tell my girls that we hugged and kissed the hands of, cried with, touched their faces and hearts and that their “Ethiopian Mothers” knew that they were safe, that they would be loved. To look in her eyes and she knows the love in our hearts, she knew you were going to be joining a family.
I marvel at this everyday, someone gave me a gift that can never be explained. In return I hope I have given them peace in one of the most difficult decisions that they have ever made. They made the decision. They will never be forgotten or put on the back burner in this house. The house that holds the family they made happen.
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This is an emotional post for me, but I really think it has to be given a voice, a loud roar! Not a silent cry in the night...
Anyone who has adopted knows this, it is something that is hard to explain unless you have been in the thick of it. I will try, when a birthmother makes an adoption plan, she is giving up her rights to her child, she needs to mourn that loss, come to terms with it and to know her child has been placed in a safe, loving, nurturing home. The child has loss, he/she are taken away from his/her birthfamily, country and may never know about their health records or any other living family out there. The adoptive family mourns the loss of the “fantasy child” and any sense of control with the situation. Don’t fool yourself, when you choose adoption you choose to give up a lot of control.
When adopting you stand on this weird double edge sword. You are so happy, grateful, full of joy, fear, you want to pee and such to be given the gift of adopting a beautiful baby to make your family. And when you are in the situation you see and realize what your birthmother is doing, what an amazing gift she has planned for you and that as your dream of a child is coming to light, her 9 months of pregnancy is over and she is placing in your care her child to be yours, for you to raise, for you to hold when they cry, to be the one they yell for in the night and see all the up and downs, all the successes and failures for this, “your” child.
This is why we believe in open adoption and have an on going relationship with 3 of our kids Birthmother. This is also why when we adopted our two daughters from Ethiopia we chose that country and Holt International because we wanted to meet their families. I wanted to tell my girls that we hugged and kissed the hands of, cried with, touched their faces and hearts and that their “Ethiopian Mothers” knew that they were safe, that they would be loved. To look in her eyes and she knows the love in our hearts, she knew you were going to be joining a family.
I marvel at this everyday, someone gave me a gift that can never be explained. In return I hope I have given them peace in one of the most difficult decisions that they have ever made. They made the decision. They will never be forgotten or put on the back burner in this house. The house that holds the family they made happen.
.
In tears over here. What a gift indeed. It is a tough topic, but their gift to us is the most amazing and beautiful gift ever. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeletethank you katie.
ReplyDeleteYou know how I feel about you and Kev but in case you have forgotten...you guys are some of the most amazing, giving and selfless people I have ever known. I am humbled by being your friend. I love you guys and cannot explain how proud I am to call your family my friends.
ReplyDelete